Jealousy in Relationships

Not Being the Jealous One

Are you the "jealous type"? Jealousy can be one of the most toxic things to affect a relationship on both sides. The target can begin to feel smothered by it, and it certainly makes a negative impact on a loved one's feelings toward you as the jealous person if it is a constant factor. The jealous person suffers insecurity, fear, and sometimes anger, spurred on by real or imagined threats. Learning to let go of those feelings of insecurity may be vital for a relationship to survive. It's especially hard if you've been cheated on in the past, but not something you cannot overcome for the sake of your existing or future relationships.

Sometimes a person does nothing indecent yet faces constant questions and accusations about where they were and who was there with them. When jealousy is undeserved, it is particularly damaging. The importance of trust in relationships cannot be understated, yet with jealousy, trust (at least in the realm of fears of infidelity) is eroded, and your partner may have no intention or desire of being with someone else. They may actually come to not want to be with someone who is overbearingly jealous.

As humans we need to interact with other people, we don't really have a choice but to head out to work, or as social creatures want to meet with friends in public spaces. This is where jealousy can rear its ugly head, in that those fears of regular association with someone your partner may find attractive are inevitably going to happen. Being interrogated regularly, a person may begin to feel they are not trusted and gradually grow more distant and aggravated. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, particularly if this jealousy leads to arguing, or the development of a controlling nature.

Coming to understand the reasons for your jealousy is important to overcoming it for the sake of the relationship. It may come as a result of poor self-image (insecurity) or a past experience (like a parent or previous partner cheating). It may be because you love them, fear losing them, and wonder how they will respond to temptation. Most of these issues start within the jealous person.

While if you have an actual good reason to believe a partner is cheating, most of this goes out the window, otherwise you should consider if these concerns are thoughts or reality. If your partner has done nothing to deserve this, you should mark it off as a fear. Resist the urge to text or call them repeatedly and ask questions about what is going on all the time, don't make accusations that are baseless and make insinuations that they find someone attractive and want them over you. It can be hard to resist if past experience has taught you to be distrustful, but resisting may teach you to separate these two things: fears and reality.

Both men and women can be excessively controlling to try to avoid their partner leaving them for someone else. We know our partner's strengths, and if we value them we perceive others may want them as well. It is no good to practically stalk your partner in finding what they're doing during every waking minute. Some people go so far as to make calls to work or ask others what their partner's up to, and this can be annoying and even damaging to an otherwise healthy relationship.

If jealousy is a continuous pattern with you, talk therapy may be helpful. A third party who can help you identify fears for what they are and help you to learn to manage that fear. A person who is jealous suffers in a relationship, not just the partner who's not trusted. Worse, it may carry on from one relationship to another like some harsh personality trait. If you cannot learn to trust someone perfectly trustworthy, it's not likely you'll go on to trusting another person in another relationship. Learning to trust a companion is paramount to avoid suffocating them or pushing them away.

Find time to be with them and improve your own perceptions on the relationship's strengths, and don't assume yourself to be less valuable than you are. If a person chose to be with you, it's likely they want to be! Having some time apart is completely normal and even healthy. Everyone should have hobbies and friends. A little freedom to enjoy oneself goes a long way.

Relationship require love and trust. A jealous person naturallly does love the person they're afraid of losing, but both sides want to be trusted and not only loved. Even if someone does make a move toward your partner, they are certain to reject these advances if they love you and are committed to your relationship. Unless they give you good reason to assume otherwise, try to quell your fears. Build trust with the one you love, do not seek to control them, speculate, or excessively inquire about their feelings for a co-worker (or friend) and accuse them. If jealousy is one of the only negative aspects of your relationship, reducing it can make your relationship more healthy and stable. A happy, stable relationship should bolster your security.