Ghosting (Relationships)

Empathy in Breakup Tactics

Ghosting is the practice of disappearing in order to break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend. Sadly, sometimes a person will even do this to their husband or wife, but that's uncommon. While Ghosting has some logical basis, it is often a cruel practice that leaves a person confused unless they are keen to this style of disappearing act.

Because of how easily people can find others in the age of dating apps, it's becoming more common for young people to show a lack of empathy in how they tell someone they're no longer interested. While it's easy to understand this if there were only a few dates, it's harder to fathom when a couple has established a real relationship.

Ghosting is the act of cutting off all communication with no explanation whatsoever. If you suddenly cannot contact your girlfriend or boyfriend for a long period of time, it's plausible you've been ghosted. It's often done via blocking social media accounts (suddenly the ghost is no longer there) and ensuring that person cannot contact you in any way. Overall, it's to avoid the awkwardness and hurt feelings produced by a typical breakup.

Some people won't get why the ghost has suddenly disappeared, especially if things seemed to be going well. This can lead to undue suffering on their part, as they may wonder what happened to their partner. They also get no explanation whatsoever that things just weren't going well, not what they're looking for in a long-term relationship, or the ghost found someone they were more interested in dating. The target of this ghosting may also go out of their way to establish contact with the ghost, causing unnecessary suffering on both their parts.

The practice of ghosting is regarded as a cowardly way to end a relationship by most people. In general ghosting is at the bottom of the totem pole as far as accepted and mature means of ending an established relationship (In-person > phone > text > ghosting). Sadly, it has happened to a lot of people who were hurt in the process and is likely to continue now that we're in an age of easy access to dates. The longer the couple has dated, the less appropriate ghosting becomes. If a person was abusive to you, you owe them no explanation, just to be clear!

Before ghosting someone you've dated for a time, or had an established romance with, consider whether you'll encounter that person again and the awkwardness that would create. Moreso, consider their feelings. Don't do it just because it's happened to you. Sure, in some situations you may never see that person again anyway, but you might feel better about yourself if you state it plainly. The person who is ghosted may hang onto hope that you are just unable to contact them or miserably busy, and this can lead them to further stress than simply having it done with and giving them the signal to start moving on. Yes, you will know that you've hurt them but you do have a right to be with a person you want. Simply telling someone via text that the relationship isn't working out and you want to go separate ways is better than ghosting a person, for both parties. The socially-appropriate means of breaking up depends upon how far the relationship has gone: in person is most appropriate if there was a real romance. For just a date or two, ghosting is normal. You have exchanged numbers and don't try another date.

If you've been ghosted by someone you cared about or loved, it's clearly going to hurt and take some time to recover. Many people have empathy and would not do something like this if they truly cared, so you know where things stand and can begin the process of moving forward. If the other person is reading your texts for days, they're probably not interested in a relationsihp with you. Attempt to contact them a few times and, if they do not return your calls or respond to texts, they're no longer interested in dating you or being in the relationship. It doesn't say much about you, nor them (though they could've considered your feelings more and told you plainly). It's just not meant to be, because two people are not necessarily looking for the same thing or compatible with one another. Just because you thought so, doesn't mean they did. Being ghosted by someone you did care about can be devastating, so reach out to friends for support.